I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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