I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
