She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
foreskin is a definite game changer
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
