i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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