im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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