the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
