it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
