Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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