You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
