he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
