Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
