Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Dick very happy bro
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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