Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
