I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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