The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
