My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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