im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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