She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
