Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
