Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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