You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
