we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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