I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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