Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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