you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
