Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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