you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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