Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
