i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
