Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
