I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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