i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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