Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
