I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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