I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
