I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
