What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
