we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
