I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
two words...techno handjob
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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