Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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