mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
