Only a mothe r could love this liver
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
