im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
