you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
