if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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