think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
