i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
