You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
a search helicopter?!
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
