and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
