sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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