im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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