Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
